Regardless of the specific circumstances, Blashki says it is important to acknowledge that a certain amount of worry, concern or stress around heading back to school is to be expected.
“And that isn’t necessarily cause for concern, remembering that an expected level of worry isn’t the same thing as an anxiety condition,” he says. How to tell the difference? “The truth is there isn’t a fixed line in the sand where one becomes the other, but there are some things to consider and look out for.”
So, is it worry or anxiety?
To decipher whether your child is experiencing anxiety in response to returning to school rather than a “normal” level of stress that’s likely to resolve itself after a period of adjustment, Blashki suggests asking yourself three questions.
1. How severe is it? “If your child isn’t sleeping, isn’t eating and is just really agitated or flatly refusing to go to school, that can give parents a good sense that there’s something more than a bit of passing worry going on for their child.”
2. Is it affecting other areas of their life? “So rather than being purely about school, consider whether it’s started to impact other things. Perhaps they don’t want to attend family functions, participate in things they usually enjoy or are even reluctant to leave their bedroom.”
3. How long-lasting is it? “If it’s a week or two into a new school year or term and they still haven’t settled, then you might want to look into it a bit further, remembering that, with an expected amount of concern or worry, the anticipation is often worse than the reality and once they get back to school, they return home having had quite a good day.”
Read more about the signs and symptoms of anxiety in children
How you can support your kids
Bear this handful of tips in mind, regardless of whether your child is experiencing worry, stress or anxiety.
Help them feel prepared. It’s preparation that helps us deal with situations that feature a lot of unknowns. “For younger kids,” says Blashki, “preparing might mean catching up with friends before the school year or term starts, doing a drive-by or even visiting the school and perhaps letting them get dressed in their uniform a few days out. Talking the situation up with young ones – reinforcing that it’s going to be fun and creating a sense of excitement – can also be really useful.”
For older children, helping them get back into a school-life routine, with appropriate and regular bed and wake-up times a week before school starts, and practising getting to school if that’s new to them, may help them feel better prepared.
Foster a calm home. Wootten says this starts with looking after your own mental health. “Children can pick up on emotions around them, so take active care of your own wellbeing to reduce feelings of stress, anxiety and reactive responses within your own home,” she notes.
This is particularly important if your child is worried about COVID, says Blashki. “While it’s important to be honest about the situation in an age-appropriate way, curating the chat you have about COVID is key, so that your kids can keep it in perspective. Parents have a real opportunity to provide a sense of calm and hope around this.”
Encourage them to open up. Wootten says talking to your children about how they’re feeling helps them check in with themselves and understand their emotions. “It also provides an opportunity for you to normalise their experiences and reinforce that emotions are normal, as well as strategise some tools they can use to help them regulate their emotions and find calm in moments of stress or anxiety.”
Introduce mindfulness meditation. “When it comes to anxiety, mindfulness helps us learn to manage our emotions with awareness, openness and curiosity and can support children to cope with any worries or concerns they might have in returning to school,” says Wootten. Meditation is one way to practise mindfulness, and Wootten says a good way to explain it to your kids is by describing it as a workout for the mind.
“Often the best way to introduce your kids to a meditation practice is by establishing one for yourself.” The Smiling Mind app is not only free, it features easily accessible activities and meditations that are suitable for the whole family. “My advice would be to download the app and start practising!”
Smiling Mind’s family toolkit can also help you integrate mindfulness into your family routine. With activity sheets, tips from psychologists and information on the benefits of mindfulness, the toolkit supports wellbeing for the whole family.
Seek help if you need it. A number of support services are available to children, including Kids Helpline for children as young as five, and headspace, the National Youth Mental Health Foundation providing services to 12- to 25-year-olds. As a parent or carer, you can also reach out to the Parentline service in your state or territory or Beyond Blue’s support service.
Medibank members with hospital cover can also call the 24/7 Mental Health Phone Support service on 1800 644 325 to chat with a mental health professional.
“And don’t wait until you or your kids are in a real rut,” says Blashki. “Getting some objective advice early on can be really helpful.