How to regulate your emotions
Have you ever had one of those days? A stressful email, a difficult conversation or a sudden change of plans can quickly shift how we think, feel and act.
Emotional regulation is the ability to notice those emotional responses, pause before reacting and choose how to respond in a way that helps rather than harms.
Like other mental fitness skills, emotional regulation can be practised and strengthened over time through small, repeatable actions.
What is emotional regulation?
Emotional regulation is the process of recognising and working with your emotional responses, rather than being controlled by them.
It includes behaviours like:
noticing when emotions are building
understanding what you’re feeling and why
creating space between feeling and reacting
choosing a response that aligns with your values or goals.
For example, during a stressful conversation, emotional regulation might look like pausing, taking a breath and responding more calmly.
Why is emotional regulation important?
Emotional regulation plays a key role in how we respond to stress. When our stress responses are activated for too long, it can leave us feeling mentally and physically drained. Emotional regulation supports the ability to “reset” after stress, rather than staying stuck in it.
It also supports clearer thinking under pressure. When emotions feel overwhelming, it can be harder to think flexibly, solve problems or see different perspectives. Emotional regulation helps create space for more balanced thinking and decision-making.
While emotions are a natural and important part of being human, emotional regulation helps ensure they don’t take over the steering wheel.
Emotional regulation vs suppressing emotions
Emotional regulation shouldn’t be confused with “holding it all in” or staying calm no matter what.
That’s emotional suppression, when emotions are pushed down or ignored, which can make them feel stronger over time.
Emotional regulation is about acknowledging what you feel, not denying it. It might sound like “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, so I’m going to take a moment before responding” rather than “I shouldn’t feel this way”.
Can you improve emotional regulation?
You bet. Emotional regulation is a skill, and like any skill, it can be strengthened with practice.
Small, repeated actions can help train the brain to pause, notice and respond more intentionally over time.
24/7 Medibank Mental Health Support
Medibank health insurance members can chat to a mental health professional about how they feel and ask questions about a range of mental health concerns for themselves or a loved one and get guidance on what they can do next. Chat online or call 1800 644 325 anytime of the day or night, 7 days a week at no extra cost.~
How to practise emotional regulation
Pause and take notice of your feelings
When emotions feel strong, start by simply noticing what’s happening. You might ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Where do I feel it in my body?
What might have triggered this?
Even a brief pause can create space between feeling and reacting.
Try simple breathing techniques
Try inhaling for a few seconds, holding briefly, then exhaling slowly. Repeating this a few times can help bring down emotional intensity and create clarity.
Respond, don’t react
When our emotions are strong, our reactions can be immediate and instinctive. Practising emotional regulation helps you move from reaction to response, choosing actions that align with how you want to show up, especially in challenging moments.
A skill that builds over time
Like all mental fitness skills, emotional regulation gets easier with practice. Small moments of awareness – pausing, breathing, naming what you feel – can gradually build greater confidence and resilience over time.
Where to get help
If your life or someone else’s is in danger, call 000 immediately.
If you’re in distress and need help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support.
For non-emergency support, your GP or regular health practitioner is often the best place to start. They will be able to assess your individual situation and recommend the best next steps for your recovery.
Medibank health insurance members can chat to a mental health professional about how they feel and ask questions about a range of mental health concerns for themselves or a loved one and get guidance on what they can do next. Chat online or call 1800 644 325 anytime of the day or night, 7 days a week at no extra cost~.
Remember that help is always available, no matter the situation.
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While we hope you find this information helpful, please note that it is general in nature. It is not health advice, and is not tailored to meet your individual health needs. You should always consult a trusted health professional before making decisions about your health care. While we have prepared the information carefully, we can’t guarantee that it is accurate, complete or up-to-date. And while we may mention goods or services provided by others, we aren’t specifically endorsing them and can’t accept responsibility for them. For these reasons we are unable to accept responsibility for any loss that may be sustained from acting on this information (subject to applicable consumer guarantees).