How to practice active listening

We might have conversations all day long, but have you ever stopped to wonder how good a listener you are?

Listening attentively without judgement can help others feel supported and understood, particularly when discussing sensitive topics such as mental health.

But what is active listening, and can it really benefit our relationships with our loved ones?

What is active listening?

Active listening is a term first coined by psychologist and educator Carl Rogers who is best known as the pioneer of person-centred therapy.

Active listening requires the listener to say very little, but to truly tune in to what the speaker is saying.

Think about a time when a friend or loved one was trying to tell you about a challenging situation in their life or tricky problem they were facing. Perhaps they were having relationship issues or experiencing feelings of anxiety or sadness. If you tried to jump in and ‘fix’ their problem or shared a time when you yourself felt the same way, you may not have been actively listening.

“Active listening is the term that professionals give to the process of giving someone your complete, full attention as you listen to them, sitting and listening without interrupting them, not dismissing them, and not offering immediate solutions. That's the really important part,” says Medibank psychologist Alison Sutton. “Most of the time when someone's being vulnerable, they just want to feel heard.”

How can active listening help support our important relationships?

Having meaningful conversations is a great way to connect with people, especially those we love and care about. Being able to simply be there for another person, listening to them and showing nothing but empathy and understanding can help a person feel supported.

“Active listening in families in particular can help the whole family unit change the way they communicate because there is an agreement that everybody is going to take a step back and just listen, not jump in with solutions or criticism,” says Alison. “If you can just sit and listen to understand, then the person's going to feel valued and feel like what they are saying to you is important. This then may make them feel safe to open up even more, which helps support more connection and more trust in that relationship.”

5 ways to be an active listener

Active listening is a bit more than simply letting another person have the floor to talk. Practice your active listening skills with these 5 simple steps.

1. Give your full attention

An important part of active listening is being fully present with another person. Try not to fidget or tap your fingers. Put your phone away or on silent and devote your complete attention to the person speaking.

2. Eye contact

While maintaining eye contact can help to signal to another person that you aren’t distracted, it may be uncomfortable for others or culturally inappropriate. Assess whether someone needs you to only be looking at them or they might prefer a less direct stare.

3. Be open

Part of active listening is behaving like you want to be present. Convey open body language by uncrossing your arms and legs, facing the person when they’re speaking and lean your body slightly towards them when they talk.

4. Minimal responses

While active listening means letting the other person do most of the talking, small acknowledgments that you are listening and hearing them can help them feel understood. Nodding, smiling when appropriate or saying “mmm”, “OK” or “I see” occasionally signals that you are being attentive, and your mind hasn’t wandered off.

5. Empathise

Being a great listener doesn’t mean never saying a word. Show the person that you are hearing and understanding them with empathetic statements such as “That sounds really tough”. Open ended questions, such as "How did that make you feel?” can also help signal to the speaker that they’re safe to keep talking.

The most important part of being an active listener is simply listening, and listening to understand, rather than listening to respond or listening to offer solutions, says Alison.

“If you listen – really listen – then you'll know what to say.”

How to seek mental health support

If you are experiencing mental health struggles, a good place to start the discussion about getting help is with your GP.

Medibank's 24/7 Medibank Mental Health Support is also available for all Medibank health insurance members. Talk with a mental health professional over the phone or online about any mental health or emotional concern and get guidance on what you can do next. Chat online or call 1800 644 325 any time of the day or night, 7 days a week at no extra cost.*

If you, or someone you know, need immediate support or medical assistance, contact 000 in an emergency or Lifeline on 13 11 14.

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