Core values: The key to a fulfilling life?

If you’ve recently found yourself struggling to make a decision – what, or who, to prioritise in your life, which career path to pursue, even how to spend your spare time – you may just be out of touch with your core values. Medibank psychologist, Alison Sutton explains how your core values are can act as a guiding light and encourage you to take actions that will ultimately lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

What are core values?

Alison describes core values, also known as personal values, as “how we want to show up in our lives – the qualities we bring, how we live and how we treat others.” 

She likes to think about core values through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a therapeutic approach she explores in her practice.

ACT is based on the idea that our thoughts and feelings are temporary and ever-changing, and if we’re not so attached to them, we can take actions that best align with our values rather than those fleeting thoughts and feelings.

“It’s about noticing what's happening in your mind, then reconnecting with what truly matters and taking small actions that move you in that direction” Alison explains.

“In ACT, we often describe values as our compass – they guide the direction of your life.”

How do core values differ from beliefs?

Although seemingly similar, values and beliefs don’t always align. Beliefs are those thoughts that we hold about ourselves or about the world, whereas values are the qualities that guide how we choose to live and behave. 

Alison provided the example of someone who may have a persistent belief about themselves: I’m not a confident public speaker. But one of the values they’ve identified is: I want to develop my career. The belief may hold them back, but the value drives them forward.

Why is it important to identify what my core values are?

Establishing values allow us to make decisions or take actions that align with what’s important to us.

“If you’re not clear on your values, it's easy to get pulled along by expectations, pressure or what others think you should be doing.”

When we’ve clear on our values, we can pause in challenging moments, reconnect with what matters, and choose actions that align with what it is that we stand for.

One of Alison’s core values, for example, is being a present parent. Amidst the chaos, this value acts as her compass; rather than passively going about her day, she chooses to be present. 

“That doesn't mean that I'm perfect or every day is calm – things are busy, there's work pressures, there's normal chaos of family life. But when I pause, take a breath, and I choose to really listen to my kids, or I put my phone away and just be present with them, then I'm living my value out in that moment.” 

READ MORE: How to practise mindfulness

How can my values support my wellbeing?

Alison says that living by your values has real benefits to your wellbeing.

“When our actions line up with what really matters, we feel more connected, more purposeful and better about ourselves.”

Living by your core values may also:
 

• Strengthen relationships: Alison says when you value connection in relationships and act accordingly, those small actions strengthen relationships. “When we’ve got stronger relationships, there’s positive flow on effect to our own wellbeing,” she explains.
• Make you more resilient: Research suggests someone who has recently established their personal values is more receptive to difficult information.¹
• Help you achieve your goals: When you choose goals that align with your values, you’re more likely to achieve those goals.
• Increase your sense of self: Providing clarity on your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
  

READ MORE: How to practise gratitude

How to work out what your values are

Alison recommends starting with a simple moment of pause and reflection.

Ask yourself:
 

• When was the last time I felt energised or happy?
• When do I feel most like the person I want to be?
• What qualities do I want to bring to my parenting or work?
• What qualities do I want to bring to my relationships?

Another tool Alison uses in ACT is asking someone to look back on their life.

Put yourself in the shoes of a future version of yourself, 5 or 10 years from now. How would your future-self feel about what present-self stands for? Is it clear what they hold important or prioritise in life?

“That perspective helps clarify the kind of person you want to be – especially when life gets busy and stressful.”

Do values change?

Values will evolve throughout your life as experiences change your perspective and goals. Becoming a parent or retiring, for example, are major life changes that could see a re-adjustment of your values.

“Values aren’t something you discover once and lock in forever - they evolve as you move through life and new experiences.”

Putting values into practice

Once you work out what your values are, it might take some practice to put them into action.

Human beings have habit of sticking to what they’ve always done because it typically takes less mental effort and feels less risky.

Enacting change takes intentional effort, but the reward may just be a more fulfilling life.

READ MORE: Explore ways to boost your mental fitness