Finding connection when family isn’t an option
Strong, healthy relationships with our family can be an incredible thing. They can be a source of comfort and familiarity, with people who have grown up watching, eating and experiencing the same things. They can set a foundation for improved self-esteem and mental wellbeing. But it’s not always as simple as that. We often experience more with our families than any other relationship, and it’s not always for the better. Trauma, grief, and generational or cultural gaps – the things we experience together, can be the things that drive us apart.
A common disconnect
Medibank psychologist, Alison Sutton says it’s more common than you’d think to feel disconnected from your family.
“In clinical practice we see many people reporting strained or no contact with their family. In fact, people often present to therapy because of difficulties with their family.”
Even if you do have a strong connection with your family, it may still feel like your family isn’t open to having ‘those kinds of conversations’.
Alison says, “Even in really close families, the emotional support might not be available. Sometimes families invalidate feelings. They joke around with things. They dismiss struggles. They create more stress than they do support.”
A recent study conducted by the News Corp Australia’s The Growth Distillery & Medibank1 showed two thirds of 18-30 year olds say they would find it hard to tell their parents or older close family members that they are having challenges or struggling with their mental wellbeing.
If feeling disconnected from your family is taking its toll, there are things you can do to take care of your mental wellbeing.
Looking after your wellbeing
Wellbeing, contrary to popular belief, is not about always feeling happy or even the absence of mental or physical illness. Instead, it is how you think and feel about yourself, your relationships, and your life. And it’s not a constant state – it’s normal to have ups and downs – and it requires intention to maintain your wellbeing.
Start with self-care
Alison suggests engaging in "intentional and authentic self-care" to maintain wellbeing. What’s right for someone else may not be right for you, and it’s important that your practices feel achievable.
“It's about deliberately prioritising your wellbeing through those little things that bring you joy,” she says, “creating a regular ritual of things that nourish you.”
For Alison, running is a staple of her self-care ritual.
“I love to run, so if I'm not feeling my best self I would go for a run. But I'm also regularly running a few times a week and this helps me keep both my mental and physical health in check. But if you said to me, ‘go and play basketball instead’, I probably wouldn't be so regular about it because it's not the thing that brings me joy.”
Here are some ways you can prioritise self-care:
- Keep active: The good news is this doesn’t require a gym membership. Try a quick stretch before bed or listening to your favourite podcast while you walk around the block.
- Get enough sleep and rest: What’s ‘enough’ will differ depending on your life stage and other factors. Most adults should aim for 7–9 hours of sleep each night.
- Eat a balanced diet: Healthy food can help boost your mood, improve sleeping patterns, energy levels and general health.
- Carve out time for the things you love: Whether it’s Tuesday night basketball, reading a magazine or walking the dog, purposeful hobbies can improve your mood.
- Connect with others: Connect with others either socially, at team sports, at a place of worship or by helping others.
The power of social connection
Social connection with others, building meaningful relationships and a support network, is known to lower levels of anxiety and depression, and raise self-esteem.
Alison explains that connecting with others builds resilience and can help us get perspective.
“Reaching out to others is one way we can start to process our emotions,” she says. “You’ve got to feel it to heal it.”
And it can boost our physical health, too. Strong, healthy relationships can help to strengthen your immune system and may even extend your life.
The good news is that you can find social connection in many places outside of your family unit – and it’s just as beneficial to your wellbeing.
How to build social connection outside your family unit
Research from News Corp Australia's The Growth Distillery & Medibank1 demonstrated Australians with above average mental wellbeing generally have more robust support networks, often discussing challenges with a broader circle of people they trust.
A supportive network, or your ‘chosen family’, comes in many different shapes and sizes – it’s ultimately about finding a group of people outside your family unit that you can trust and feel supported by. You can find meaningful connections by:
- Keeping in touch with friends and neighbours
- Volunteering within your local community
- Participating in parkrun or organised social sport
- Joining specific interest or community groups, to findpeople who share similar hobbies with you
- Attending community hubs and events, like the local dog park, community garden or library.
If you’re shy, it can feel daunting to make new connections. Alison suggests connecting in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Find people that align with the things you like to do, in the format that suits you best. She acknowledges online communities can be just as useful as in person.
“You might be into gaming, for example, and that's how you connect with people. Great – if you've got your friendships through that, connect with them that way.”
Read more about ways to feel connected here.
Reconnecting with family
If you feel like reconnecting with your family is important but not sure if it’s right, Alison says to trust your instincts. Ultimately, prioritising your psychological safety is more important.
“If you have that deep feeling that a family member or loved one is not the person to open up to and it's not emotionally safe, then absolutely do not share with that person. Instead trust the emotional connections that you have with other people in your life and find the right person to connect with.”
How to seek mental health support
If you are experiencing mental health struggles, a good place to start the discussion about getting help is with your GP.
Medibank's 24/7 Medibank Mental Health Support is also available for all Medibank health insurance members. Talk with a mental health professional over the phone or online about any mental health or emotional concern and get guidance on what you can do next. Chat online or call 1800 644 325 any time of the day or night, 7 days a week at no extra cost.*
If you, or someone you know, need immediate support or medical assistance, contact 000 in an emergency or Lifeline on 13 11 14.
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Things you should know
1 About the research: The research was undertaken by News Corp Australia's The Growth Distillery. Fieldwork was conducted across all states and territories, including metropolitan and rural/regional areas, between 11-25 February 2025, collecting a total of 2,565 responses.
* Some referred services may involve out of pocket costs and waiting periods may apply.
While we hope you find this information helpful, please note that it is general in nature. It is not health advice, and is not tailored to meet your individual health needs. You should always consult a trusted health professional before making decisions about your health care. While we have prepared the information carefully, we can’t guarantee that it is accurate, complete or up-to-date. And while we may mention goods or services provided by others, we aren’t specifically endorsing them and can’t accept responsibility for them. For these reasons we are unable to accept responsibility for any loss that may be sustained from acting on this information (subject to applicable consumer guarantees).