What we covered in our chat
In this episode of the Well Workplaces podcast, I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Michelle McQuaid - a leading voice in positive psychology and workplace wellbeing - about a topic that resonates deeply with many, the impact of 'good girl conditioning' and how it shows up in our professional lives.
What is 'Good Girl Conditioning'?
'Good girl conditioning' refers to the unspoken rules and expectations often placed on women from a young age — to be polite, agreeable, helpful, and not to ruffle feathers. While these traits are not inherently negative, they can become limiting when they translate into over-apologising, avoiding conflict, or feeling the need to constantly prove our worth at work.
Dr. Michelle McQuaid highlighted how these learned behaviours can subtly (or not-so-subtly) undermine confidence, making it harder for women to take risks, set boundaries, or step into leadership roles. The pressure to 'be good' often clashes with the boldness and assertiveness traditionally associated with professional success.
The role of self-compassion
One of the most impactful takeaways from our conversation was the power of self-compassion. Michelle emphasised that breaking free from these patterns doesn’t mean swinging to the other extreme - becoming hyper-assertive or detached - but rather finding a balance by treating ourselves with kindness.
Self-compassion allows us to acknowledge our struggles without judgment and gives us the courage to speak up, ask for help, and pursue our goals without fear of failure. It’s about replacing the inner critic with an inner coach, someone who pushes us forward with empathy rather than shame.
Secure attachment and how it shows up at work
We also explored the concept of secure attachment and its link to the workplace. Secure attachment — often rooted in how we experienced relationships early in life — plays a crucial role in how we manage stress, handle feedback, and build relationships at work.
Michelle explained that developing secure attachment as adults means creating a sense of internal safety — trusting ourselves to navigate challenges and building supportive networks. This foundation makes it easier to lead with confidence, communicate clearly, and remain steady under pressure.
Practical steps to reclaim your power at work
Michelle shared several strategies for overcoming 'good girl conditioning' and stepping into authentic self-leadership:
- Recognise the patterns: Reflect on moments when you’ve downplayed your achievements, avoided tough conversations, or overextended yourself to please others.
- Practice self-compassion: Notice your inner dialogue — would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself?
- Strengthen your support system: Surround yourself with mentors, colleagues, or friends who uplift you and model healthy boundaries.
- Embrace small acts of courage: This could mean asking for feedback, voicing a new idea, or calmly asserting your needs.
Final thoughts
Our conversation was a timely reminder that unlearning deep-seated habits takes time ,but with self-compassion and a clear sense of self-leadership, we can create more authentic, empowered versions of ourselves in the workplace.
If this resonated with you, I encourage you to listen to the full episode for even more insights and practical advice from Michelle. Tune into the Well Workplaces podcast for more conversations like this, and let’s continue building workplaces where wellbeing is not just encouraged - it’s expected.
Written by Tom Bosna
March 2025