If you’re living under the same roof as a pregnant woman you’ve probably noticed that pregnancy can be a bit ahem, interesting.
For starters, the fridge is always full of weird and wonderful things that no person in their right mind would ever want to lay their eyes on.
The bathroom is always busy (sorry - her squished bladder or morning sickness probably takes priority).
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And worst of all, everything you do is wrong. Like everything. So to avoid world war three breaking out, we’ve put together a list of things you may want to consider before you attempt to speak your mind. This handy guide will cover all the big no-nos along with some tactful tips to ensure those extra brownie points (and trust us, you do want to save them for a rainy day).
Are you really eating all of that?
Remember that part about eating for two? Yeah. Well it may not be technically correct, but it’s definitely not a good idea to point that out.
Brownie points: “Darling, would you like another piece?”
Why are you being so emotional? There’s no reason to cry
There might be a real reason (but it’s doubtful). Whether she’s crying because you ate the last banana, or because her favourite Bachelor contestant got voted out - either way. Don’t ask. You’re digging yourself into a very deep hole and those untamed hormones will always win this one.
Brownie points: “Here’s another tissue. I love you”
Are we sure there’s not two in there?
Some bumps are bigger than others. If your partner’s pregnant belly is on the large side, it might seem funny to you but best to keep those thoughts to yourself. Nobody appreciates having jokes made about how large they are!
Brownie points: “You have that beautiful pregnancy glow”
You can’t even tell you’re pregnant, are you sure you’re eating enough?
Newsflash. Every woman, body and pregnancy is different. It’s not rocket science, just simple biology. Pregnancy is not an invitation to make remarks about a woman’s weight, regardless of her shape or size. In fact, probably never mention a woman’s weight. Period. Unless you’re her obstetrician or midwife, you’re only causing unnecessary stress.
Brownie points: “You look amazing!”
“You look really tired”
Don’t remind her that she looks exhausted, she knows. Growing a human inside you can really suck the life out of you. Whether it’s the multiple trips to the bathroom at night, kicks and punches from bub, or the crazy pregnancy dreams keeping her up, she sure has plenty of reasons to look tired.
Brownie points: “I’ll make lunch today, why don’t you go have a nap?”
“You look like you’re really ready to pop!”
Look, even if it might be true, this really is just another way of saying “gosh you look huge”. Which you know, isn’t a very nice thing to say to someone. Just picture yourself in her shoes - you haven’t seen your own feet in weeks, and it’s a wonder if you manage to keep your undies dry when you sneeze or laugh. See, not so smug now.
Brownie points: “You’re really nailing your pregnancy style, you’re making baby bumps look fashionable!”
Did you hear that Sarah was in labour for 57 hours? If you ask me, I’d rather slam my head into a car door 57 times… But hey, I’m sure ours will be okay!
This is like telling a child who is learning how to swim that there are sharks in the water. You’re not helping. Nobody looks forward to labour. It’s intense, painful, and scary. If you have a nice story to share, by all means - go ahead. Give her some encouragement. But if your second cousin Sarah or that nice lady from the local grocery store screamed for Jesus and wanted to die and tore so badly she couldn’t walk for weeks, then maybe keep this to yourself.
Brownie points: “We’re going to nail it on the big day!”
We’ve got to sleep now, while we can!
Not sure about you, but last time we checked, sleeping can’t be banked. Sleeping during pregnancy is no easy task - she has to lie on her back, her body temperature is all out of whack, and the baby will sometimes decide to land a well aimed kick just as she’s dozing off. Tell a sleep-deprived pregnant woman to sleep more at your own peril - you’ve been warned.
Brownie points: “The air-conditioning will be installed on Tuesday”